Preparing For Breastfeeding

* Note: I stole this from Aly who stole it from a friend :-) who apparently found it on Parenting.com  You know I love breastfeeding, but I nearly peed myself reading this.  For those thinking about breastfeeding, this is just the worst of it...it also has its joys.  For those of you who went through hell, you will enjoy the flashbacks.  Note: put on a panty liner first for those embarrasing leaks.  And, I wish I could be this clever!  Enjoy!

Suck It! The REAL way to prep for breastfeeding!

Forget that old advice about "gently rubbing your nipples with a towel." If you really want to feel ready to nurse, here's what to do.

Day 1

Gently rub your nipples with sandpaper.

Day 2

At bedtime set your alarm clock to go off every two hours. Each time it rings, spend 20 minutes sitting in a rocking chair with your nipples clamped by a pair of chip clips.

Day 3

Draw branching lines all over your chest with a blue-green marker, then stand in front of your bathroom mirror and sing "I Feel Pretty."

Day 4 

Open your already-crowded freezer and make room for five dozen plastic milk bags.

Day 5

Fit the hose of a vacuum cleaner over one breast and set on "medium pile." Turn off vacuum when nipple is three inches long. Switch breasts.

Day 6

Obtain "DO NOT CROSS" tape from your local police station, then wrap firmly around your chest. When your spouse asks about it, say, "Get used to it."

Day 7

Tape a water balloon to each breast and squeeze into a maternity bra. Repeatedly hook and unhook the nursing flaps with one hand while using the other to balance a sack of squirming puppies.

Day 8

Dine in the fanciest, snootiest restaurant you can afford, making sure to arrive with a big wet spot directly over each nipple.

Day 9

Record your mother proclaiming, "Just give the baby some cereal like God intended, and she'll sleep right through the night." Play in an endless loop at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5 a.m.

Day 10

Slather your breasts with peanut butter, top with birdseed and stand very still in your backyard.

Day 11

Go someplace public -- a museum, a courthouse, the steps of your office building -- and stuff a lifelike baby doll under your shirt. Use the doll's arm to suddenly hike the shirt up past your collar bone. Lower shirt. Feign nonchalant smile.

Day 12

Suckle a wolverine.

Congratulations! You are now ready to nurse a baby. Maybe

PYHO: Living With GAD



I have GAD.  Well, it depends on the doctor.  Some have said depression + anxiety. One even said possible bipolar.  I have some pretty serious highs and lows.  Some days I think the depression is the worst part of it.  It also comes with some OCD tendencies.  But really, the worst is the anxiety. 

I know many of us suffer from this, but for those of you that don't, I wanted to give you a glimpse into how the anxious brain, at least for me, functions. 

Example: We put up the first of the cool baby gates. Metal with bars and a door that swings open.  Most would look at it and see safety.  I looked at it and saw my cats lying with their heads through the bars with their neck broken.  The image doesn't go away.

Walking down my stairs with the baby is terrifying.  My mom won't do it.  I have no choice.  But what I see every time is me slipping and falling and P's lifeless body under me at the bottom.  I am a klutz.  This is not a stretch.  I need a house without stairs.

While driving I see myself going out of control and smashing headlong into a telephone pole or tree or something, totaling my car, and being seriously injured.  Worse, I see us being t-boned and P being seriously injured or killed. 

And on and on...you get the idea.  I look at normal things and see the worst.  And a panic attack?  Hyperventilation, shaking, what I call "tunnel vision"...rational goes out the window.  The good thing is that years ago I finally saw a doctor.  And last year we figured out what works for me.  Thank goodness.  Stressful jobs do not help, though.  With the meds, though, the things I imagine are able to be pushed away some.  I have a little more control. 

As a bonus, they actually do help with the depression and my excessive empathy, leaving me to watch movies without turning into a blubbering mess over every little joy and sadness.  Seriously, I have been known to cry at cotton commercials.  The downside?  Feeling kind of numb.  Not always being ABLE to cry if I want/need to.  But, being able to handle situations better?  It's worth it.  Most of the time. 

I know from experience that some people don't believe that something like this is a "real" disease.  It is.  And its effects can be devastating.  I missed 6 weeks of work last year when it was out of control.  It is VERY real, very scary, and sometime debilitating.  And when someone suffers, you can recommend things all you want, but in the end, like many things, a person has to want to have help.  It cannot be forced.  So please, be supportive to people in your life suffering from mental health diseases.  Listen when they need it.  Encourage them to seek help of whatever sort works for them.  But understand that sometimes, our reactions, our behaviours are out of our control.

*This is part of Shell's Pour Your Heart Out Wednesdays.  Feel free to join in, but be respectful.

Video Tuesday

I thought I would give you something to make you smile today :-)

Phelan the Raptor: http://youtu.be/mFQIZ2WHw5g

Phelan Clucks: http://youtu.be/w_3NZart7Rk

The Not-Crawl: http://youtu.be/_q_NEub_qdA

I can't embed from work...sorry gang.  Enjoy!!!

FNL: Thanksgiving Edition

• We survived Turkey Day.  P refused to eat or sleep all day.  Awesome.  He is totally out of whack.  Hoping he gets back to normal today.
• My dad is pushing for us to move to Vermont when he goes.  Part of me is not so much against this.  I would love for P to grow up in a rural New England setting...lots to consider.
• Still no driver's license for Hubby = still no job.  We are PISSED.  And he is so frustrated.  He wants to work.  And we REALLY need him to work.  Apparently he can have the BMV for IN fax an affadavit of some sort to the DMV for PA and hopefully get his license transferred that way.  It's that or drive to IN for a replacement.  Not really a financially great thing to do.  *pulls hair out in frustration*
• New schedule starts 12/4 - because my days off change from S/M off to F/S off I will be working 10 days straight.  Shoot me now!
• Oooh!  Our Christmas gift from my mom arrived - a Britax Roundabout 55.  It is HUGE.  And cozy.  And doesn't slip all over the place.  Here is my question: since 1 year is the minimum for rear-facing, but longer is recommended, what the hell do I do with the fact that his feet are already at the edge of the seat?  Do I just kind of let him scrunch up his legs?  Any tips would be greatly appreciated!
• I have some hysterical videos of P - I will try to get them posted this weekend.  I need to upload them first.  He is such a goof :-) 
• We have decided we ARE doing a tree this year, though there won't be much under it.  But I think he is old enough to be fascinated by it :-)  Not huge, and it's not going up for a couple more weeks.  I hate dealing with the never-ending pine needles!
• Still no teeth, no crawling (he can get up on his arms, or he can get his butt up, but not both, LOL).  No urge to stand or pull-to-standing.  Totally okay with my lazy baby :-)  Dreading child-proofing!  And chasing.  The poor animals are doomed once that starts!
• I decided just now to take a day off in the 10 day stretch.  So I will only do 7 days straight.  I can make it.  *Gulp*
• As usual, there was more on my mind, none of which I can remember, so I leave you here to enjoy the rest of your (hopefully) long weekend (I don't have one). 

PYHO: I Miss Ignorance

I would not have made it through this journey, from diagnosis through treatment and pregnancy, to OMG-what-do-I-do-with-this-small-screaming-human if it wasn't for the ALI blogging community. (See all the comments on my post from yesterday.)  My dream in life has been to DO GOOD.  To MAKE A DIFFERENCE.  And the ALI community has allowed that.  I can provide support, reach out, help others.  And for all of this I am incredibly grateful. 

But like Adele says, "Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead." 

There have been times throughout this journey that I have had to back away.  That I haven't been able to read or comment.  The pain radiating from some people knocks me down like being slammed in the chest.  I am overly empathetic, and sometimes I just can't handle it.  I want to go back to be blissfully ignorant of things like IUGR and IC and watching your babies die after delivering too soon.  Of hearts and hopes crushed by a disease that isn't even recognized by most people. 

The lows are so incredibly low.  So terrible. So unbelievable sometimes.

But then there are the highs.  The suprise BFPs, the baby delivered safely after a complicated pregnancy, the adoptions that go through and stick.  Good news in this community can give me a high for days.  I don't mind my excessive empathy so much on those days.  I wish that joy on all of us. 

I won't ever turn my back completely and disappear.  I am part of this community, and always will be.  My family is not complete.  I have struggles to go.  I still have bump envy.  I am scared of another pregnancy...or of one never happening.  I want my friends to find joy, to be able to build their families. 

But somedays, I just want to go back and pretend I don't know about any of this.

This post is part of Pour Your Heart Out Wednesdays over at Things I Can't Say, hosted by the awesome Shell.  Please go read, join in, and remember, we are pouring out things that are difficult to say, so keep an open mind and heart. 



Sleep Deprivation

Once again, I am going to touch on the issue of my son not sleeping. 

I hate CIO.  Hate it.  The sound of him screaming makes me want to tear my hair out and run to him.  I can't do it.  But waking up from 2-4 times a night? And the only thing that puts him back to sleep is milk.  The doctor said we can't give him water yet.  But really?  No wonder he is so chubby.  He goes through 3-4 bottles from 7 pm to 7 am.  Seriously. 

Last night?  Asleep at 6.  Up at 7, full 6 oz bottle.  Wide awake and playing.  7:30 took him to bed.  Meltdown.  4 oz later, back to sleep (8pm)  Up at 10:30 pm.  Bottle.  Up at midnight.  Finish bottle.  Up at 2.  Bottle.  Up at 3:30.  Play.  Until 5.  Bottle.  Apparently at that point he went back to sleep for 2 hours.  Of course, I was not home at this point. 

Listen, my kid is AHHHHH-MAZING.  He is chubby.  He is jolly.  He has adorable rosy cheeks.  He is like a baby Santa.  But he WILL NOT STAY ASLEEP.  I love him.  But I. Need. Sleep.  And seriously, he is so fat!  Why?  Because he eats allllll niiiiiiight looooong.  More frequently than he does during the day.  What is that about?  Tonight I am switching back to crib fun and see what happens.  And honestly, I'm giving him water.  He is obviously healthy.  And maybe water will be the trick.  I have heard it works for other people. I know I am not alone in this not-sleeping baby thing, but it feels like it some days.

Niece slept through the night at 10 weeks.    Sister and her DH did the 3 minutes crying the first night, 5 the next, etc etc etc and swore it worked.  But see, patting P on the back and soothing does not work.  He has to be picked back up.  And without bottle/boob, he screams.  Or...wakes up and plays.  Soooo....yeah.  Do I just accept that I may never sleep again?

I hate assvice.  And I know he should be sleeping at some point.  And I don't want to totally override his natural rhythms.  But more than 2 hours at a time would be nice.  Y'know?  So, please, I am taking suggestions. 

P.S.  I tried the water.  It went like this: suck suck WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.  So, fail.

FNL: Flustercuck

• I didn't want to put fuck in the title, thus "flustercuck." 
• Hubby had an interview last Friday for a good job - they hired the person in front of him.  Awesome.
• Hubby found a temp job - 4-12 weeks, 6 days a week, 12 hours a day.  Yeah, I won't see him.  What happens?  He goes in to fill out the paperwork, and they will not accept his temp IN license for a background check.  The actual license has not arrived yet.  Because the person who mailed it from the driving school put the wrong address on it.  So he CAN'T get a job until that arrives.  So he might miss out on this opportunity.  Awesome - again.  It seems they may hold a spot for him, so that is good.  He is so anxious to be working, contributing.
• P is a sneaky devil.  He faked out the very experienced sitter yesterday.  Cried as though in pain for 1.5 hours straight.  He even threw up.  She gave him teething rings, put teething gel on, gas drops, bicycled his legs, rocked him, walked him, tried to feed both milk and solid food...etc etc etc.  She finally called me because he is NEVER like this.  He is a happy baby.  So I left work and went to check on him - he fussed for show when I came in and then was all grins and happiness.  He played sick to get me to come to him.  At 8 months old.  I. Am. Screwed.  This kid is already too smart for his own good. 
• I am stoked about thrift store finds from earlier this week - rocking horses, a juicer, clothing, books, etc for $65.  SCORE! 
• In order to get everything for Christmas done I am going to have to start staying up later or doing projects while P is playing.  Sigh.  DIY Christmas.  Good to do.  Requires time.
• The first batch of Holiday cards rolled in - I am so stoked!  Our first family holiday card!  I feel so grown up.  Tee hee.
• In case you didn't read my post yesterday, I am FED UP with my job.  I hate that I need it.  Sorry, rough week.  Rough couple of weeks.  Mantra: "It pays the bills. It pays the bills. It pays the bill..."
• How is Thanksgiving next week?  Seriously.  How is it November.  And how is my son 8 months on Sunday.  WHERE IS THE TIME GOING????  Oh, Father Time, you are cruel sometimes. 
• I swear that I am brain dead.  I come in here to write, and I am at a loss. I feel like I have no direction on here anymore.  Someone told me I don't really NEED direction, but you know, I'd like to keep y'all interested.  I am just drawing a blank.  Sorry for being boring.  I love you all for sticking around.

Posted as part of Danifred's 

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