Thursday, September 30, 2010

Do-Re-Mi

How much fun is this??? Group events like this amaze me. Apparently there were only 2 rehearsals! Enjoy :)
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Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Dancing Baby

Well, there she is. Or he. Measuring at 10w3d exactly, heartbeat looking nice and strong. And she was having her own little dance party down there. So active. It was actually cooler than the first heartbeat, because she LOOKS like a baby now. She was waving and we could see where the eyes, nose, mouth, ears and all were. Amazing!!

The OB was cool, she was just as cheesy as we were, waving at the screen with us, LOL. Alas, it's the last glimpse until 20 weeks since we have decided against screening. Sad :( Oh! I told her about some of my rather early symptoms, the round ligament pain and sciatic pain, and she said, "Well, it's going to be a long pregnancy then." LOL. I think my body figures if I only get to do this once it might as well throw the book at me. Whatever, I like waddling.

Going back on the Zo.loft tomorrow, which I am hoping gets my ass back off the couch and back into gear. I have baby blankets to make! And I REALLY need to get a better scale...I am really going to have to monitor my weight it looks like.

But all in all it went well, and since we only go once a month now I'd better settle in and try to relax a bit, LOL.

So here's to my little dancing Cricket and the continuation of Vomit Fest 2010!!! Cheers!
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Monday, September 27, 2010

Humble Pie

Frog is back at work today after his stay in the hospital.  He's been out of the hospital a bit over a week (I think the day I went to the ER), but just back today.  I had a feeling I would run into him...

He has dropped a LOT of weight, and seemed...tense.  We didn't speak.  Well, I said, "hey" when I nearly bumped into him, but nothing from him.  However, he handed me a post-it note (it amazes me how much of my interpersonal relationship business is conducted via post-ti note!).  Which says, "Thank you for the kind words while I was in the hospital.  It meant much to me to read those words."

It was in his hand ready to hand to me...which was a bit odd.  As though he planned running into me.  But he didn't speak to me. Or really look at me for that matter. We always knew things wouldn't end well, but dove in anyway.  But we certainly never planned for any of it.  I sent an email saying that I hope things are okay and that he is doing better.  No response.  SIGH. 

Here's the thing...we wouldn't be where we are today without he and Pixie.  Last year, August, when we were starting to think we needed to do something about this whole not pregnant yet thing, a woman on my team said, "oh, so-and-so is having trouble, talk to him."  Which led to the name of our clinic, which led to our BFP.  So in a sense, they are part of this baby.  So tomorrow we are getting them a "thank you" card.  Just to get it out there.  Response or not, they had a hand in this.

Which just leads me to think about the fact that in a pregnancy like ours, there are soooooo many people that were a part of this (and I'm sorry we can't pay you yet...) to whom we are eternally grateful.  I think we will hold off on the thank you's to the clinic until we can send a baby picture for their book along with it.  But it really is amazing.  I am a firm believer in "It takes a village" - and really, in some cases, it takes that just to conceive the child. 

So a big thank you to all of you as well, for being here, for being part of this journey as well, for making our miracle possible.  Thank you.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Friends Without Faces

I am behind on my bleeps and ICLW....LOL.  Ahhh, work.  I WILL catch up somehow.  Anyway, I leave you with this for the day, shamelessly mooched from The Rocky Road To Motherhood.  Love you all!

FRIENDS WITHOUT FACES



We sit and we type, and we stare at our screens
We all have to wonder, what this possibly means.
With our mouse we roam, through the rooms in a maze
Looking for something or someone, as we with in a daze.

We chat with each other, we type all our woes
Small groups we do form, and gang up on our foes.
We wait for somebody, to type out our name.
We want recognition, but it is always the same.

We give kisses and hugs, and sometimes flirt.
In PM's we chat deeply, and reveal why we hurt.
We do form friendships - but - how, we don't know
But some of these friendships, will flourish and grow.

Why is it on screen that we can be so bold
Telling our secrets, that have never been told.
Why is it we share the thought in our mind
With those we can't see, as though we were blind.

The answer is simple, it is as clear as a bell.
We all have our problems, and need someone to tell.
We can't tell real people, but tell someone we must,
So we turn to the 'puter, and to those we can trust.

Even though it is crazy, the truth still remains
They are Friends Without Faces, and odd little names.

~author unknown~

Saturday, September 25, 2010

10w0d

WEEKLY UPDATE

How far along: 10 weeks 0 days - Cricket is 25% cooked!  (And yes, I now refer to the baby as Cricket...don't know why, just kinda started and I like it.  DH calls him/her Speck)

Total weight gain/loss: No idea....I have given up on the scale at home.  So this will get updated with OB appointments.  I WILL tell you that I put on 3-4 inches in hips and abdomen.  Not kidding you!

Maternity clothes: ummm, yeah, I have NO pants left that fit comfortably except stretch or drawstring pants, so anything else is all maternity at this point.  Belly band be damned, these are more comfortable. Shirts are touch and go.

Stretch marks: way too early for those!

Sleep: As often as possible!!! I mean, that, too. Work days are long, so my days off are usually spent napping...with short bursts of being awake.  LOL.

Movement: way too early for that! But I can't wait :)

Cravings/Aversions: Cravings: For the most part it's just a matter of finding something I can tolerate, but the other day I REALLY wanted bacon.  With vanilla ice cream.  LOL.  I got the bacon.  Aversions: Stinky odors, red meat...

Gender: at this point, we have decided not to find out...let's see if we hold steadfast to that!

Symptoms: I'm going to regale you with the stuff I HAVEN'T talked about.  Like the sciatic pain (yes, already), and...I am hornier than a rooster in a hen house. I mean, HORNY.  LOL.  Thought that wasn't supposed to start until 2nd tri, either?  I'm getting ALL symptoms early. What up with that?  Also starting to get something like a mile heartburn, and headaches have been quite persistent, more than usual for me. 

What I miss: Not a thing :) Okay, maybe a cold beer on the patio at the end of a nice day....

What I look forward to: Passing the first trimester :), and actually LOOKING pregnant, as opposed to just like I've put on weight.  Next u/s - I want to see a baby-shaped blob!

Moods: Irritable beyond belief, interspersed with sappy crying. 

Milestones: Double digits, baby.  We are 1/4 of the way there!  Also, full graduation to maternity pants.  LOL.

Medical Concerns: Still taking my Syn.throid at 50mcg.  Not sure when I get b/w again for that.

Weekly Wisdom: Pace myself, and just give up and sleep on my days off.  Food - eat it.  Often.

Best moment this week: Ummmm....Nothing really happened this week.

Worst moment this week: Still ridiculous nausea is messing with my job.  Grrr.

And now, since my FB peeps bugged me about it after I mentioned that I can't wear my pants anymore....a belly pic at 10 weeks.  For comparison, go here to see the belly pre-treatment.  Now you can see, that I really have put on quite a few inches.  LOL. Without further ado:

Friday, September 24, 2010

Learning to Pace Myself

I have to keep reminding myself that there are still 7-8 months between now and baby.  So I can breathe, get this month taken care of, and I don't need to have all the furniture, clothing, etc RIGHT NOW. 

I got a very small amount completed over my weekend.  We found a dresser for $5 that will be for the baby and also act as the changing table.  So that was a fun little bonus :)  We have to finish cleaning out Bro and Dreamer's things so that Spazz and Punky can begin their move in, though they need a toddler bed yet.  Which means we also have to completely clean out what was the office and will now be the nursery.  Those things DO have to happen ASAP.  Ack, there goes me freaking a bit again. 

Anyway, the rest, all the baby stuff,  I have to remind myself we can do gradually.  We have the following items coming to us hand-me-down: cradle, bassinet, 2 swings, bedding for the cradle, some clothes, baby tub, and a 4 month-old infant car seat, never in an accident.  I have been trolling Craigslist and Freecycle, but trying not to jump the gun.  My IRL friends are all keeping an eye out and donating stuff to us...which is soooo fantastic :)  We can do it! 

This is what happens when you have anxiety and money issues.  LOL.  You panic about EVERYTHING, and there is never enough time. 

Wait until I start writing about daycare....eek! 

And yet, it's all exciting, too...exciting and absolutely terrifying.  LOL.  Pacing myself is a skill I am slowly learning.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Dear Baby

I think it is time to start some letters to you. You are starting to make your presence known visually to those who have known me as a skinny lady. And as of this morning, your name has been decided upon by your father and I.

So...should you be a boy, you will be Phelan Shel. Phelan means wolf, which is your father's Patronus, for lack of a better word. And Shel combines the first initials of your 4 grandfathers' first names.

If you come out as a girl, you will be Catori Alaysia Sue. Catori means spirit. Alaysia is just a name I have loved for many, many years. And Sue is for my grandmother and your grandmother on Daddy's side.

I know they are unusual names, but I hope you grow to love them as did I mine.

We love you, Cricket, whatever parts you come out having.

Now I am going to take a nap...you are already wearing me out.

Love,

Mama
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Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I Got Your Detailed Receipt Right Here

So we got a letter from our FSA manager or whatever you want to call it. That would be our Flexible Spending Account. Who promised me back in April that the DS could be paid for with our FSA. Anyway, said letter says they need documentation to prove the DS is a covered expense. An EOB (explanation of benefits) or a detailed receipt. So I will dutifully call them tomorrow and explain I have neither, but am happy to send them a copy of our u/s - on which I will write: "I got your detailed receipt RIGHT HERE." Think that will work?

Tralalala.

Enough of that. In my travels 'round the interwebs and blogland, I have found some awesomely fun things recently!

Such as Evil Genius Woman, who sells some hysterically inappropriate IF shirts, including maternity ones!  Also a children's line.  They are quite fun.  Had me cracking up.  Enjoy!

The 2 Week Wait wrote this fabulous post with some well-known proverbs redone for IF.  HYSTERICAL.  OMG, you have to go read it.  It will cheer you up, even if you are already in a good mood!   

Lastly, for today, is a fabulous giveaway, hosted by A Little Bit of Life and The Purse Blogger for an adorable diaper bag.  Since I'm all about discounted baby goods, a free one is perfect!  Check it out if you're interested!

Happy ICLW my loves.  Let you know how everything is shaping up with the moves in and out, etc, etc, etc. 

Monday, September 20, 2010

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

So....through the miracle of FB we discovered that apparently Bro and Dreamer are not coming back, not anytime soon. According to Dreamer's page, they moved in with his sister. What? With most of their stuff still in our house? Ummm.....

Neighbors have been asking if they could move in - they would like to be able to live together with their son, and, the bonus? They can pay us some rent and half of utilities. Which, honestly, we could use.

Because the car? It needed $500 worth of work done yesterday and today (which we don't so much have), and couldn't even leave the shop yesterday. It still needs another $1000 in the next couple of months.

So, the trip to WI is officially on hold, and so is Christmas, LOL.

What does all this mean? We are in need of some budgeting help. We are going to be cleaning out the room Bro and Dreamer were living in so that Spazz and Punky can move in with son A. A. and Itstybitsy will be sharing the small room, so the nursery will be going into high gear here VERY shortly.

If you know of any budgeting sites....free ones, that really help, please, please let me know!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Tag! I'm It - And You Will Be Soon!

First of all, I want to thank all of you for your kind words...I'm feeling...mildly better.  Just kinda riding the wave right now, trying not to let it all get me freaked out.  Breathing in, breathing out.

Anywho, distraction time!  I got tagged by Rach at Going For It in the latest craze - Blog Tag! 

Rules of her version, answer the 8 questions she poses, come up with 8 of my own, and tag 8 other bloggers to answer them!  Fun times :)

Here are the questions she posed to us:

1.) What is your perfect date night?

Date night?  What's that?  LOL.  Right now, I would kill for a reason to get a little dolled up, go out to a good meal, Thai or Seafood, or some really good Italian -- ooh, or this fabulous Mexican place we found.  Anyway, good dinner, and then a movie, or just find a nice place to go for a walk in the cool fall air.  Followed by us actually going to bed AT THE SAME TIME so I actually get some nookie ;-P 


2.) What was the last new food you tried?

Hmmm, oh!  I bought crystallized ginger yesterday to help ease nausea (worth a shot), and forgot that pure ginger will give you a run for your money.  Good in small doses, wicked strong and "bitey" in full force.  But it made me forget about the nausea!  So it kinda worked!

3.) What hobby would you like to start but it seems to keep getting pushed to the back burner?

Puzzles.  We have a ton of them, but never keep a space clear for them, and away from animals.  So sadly, they sit in a closet :(

4.) Favorite vacation destination?

EVERYTHING.  LOL.  I know, that's a copout answer.  I love beach vacations.  I also adore road trips.  I am never happier than when there is empty road in front of me and new sights to be seen.  Or, new countries.  I love to travel, period. 

5.) What are you most looking forward to over the next month?

The end of nausea.  LOL.  And going to register for Itsybitsy.  I am also hopefully heading to WI for a few days, and I can't wait to see some old friends...whatever I can cram into those couple of days.  It will be a marathon trip.  If we can afford for me to go.

6.) Which fall TV show are you most looking forward to?

I don't have cable :(  We usually stream stuff, so I'm thinking CSI or NCIS.  I am a full year behind on House and Grey's Anatomy :(  I have to wait for those to hit cable.

7.) Your favorite holiday tradition?

Christmas cookies.  The rest is blah half the time.  I don't know.  I like giving gifts, but can't really afford it this year.  Family time is usually strained.  I do like doing a tree when we can, but not necessary.  But the cookies?  Best of the year :) 

Other holidays I really enjoy are Halloween - free rein to be whatever you want...it's actually my favorite holiday, though I never get to play anymore.  Work doesn't cooperate. 

8.) Are you a morning or night person?

Morning, hands down.  Love that first part of the day when you feel like you are the only one out.  Working nights has ruined it for me, but when I have time off, it's definitely mornings that I enjoy the most. 


Alright, ladies. Your turn!

Here is who I am tagging:
  1. Circus Princess at Circus Children (and hey!  Where is that post about your big reveal???)
  2. Marianne at My Violet Thoughts
  3. Jess at A Little Blog About The Big Infertility
  4. Jeni at Knocked Up By Another Man
  5. Erica at Surviving the Secondary Infertility Madness
  6. Jackie at Beyond The Brick Wall
  7. Erika at Pollination Chronicles
  8. Christa at Fearlessly Infertile
Here are your questions ladies:
  1. If money was not a consideration, what would you do as a career?  To fill your days?
  2. Who is someone you look up to, and why?
  3. What is the weirdest combination of foods you have ever eaten?
  4. If you could choose your own name, what would it be and why?
  5. Where is your dream house located, and what does it look like?
  6. If you had to use only one musician's songs to describe your life or answer these questions, who would it be?
  7. What do you want your last meal to be?
  8. Jello or Pudding?

Okay, ladies, answer, come up with your questions, and tag away (ummm, I forgot to put this in earlier and just added it).

Saturday, September 18, 2010

9w0d

WEEKLY UPDATE

How far along: 9 weeks 0 days

Total weight gain/loss: Appointments on Mon and Tues showed me at 121 - up 1 lb.

Maternity clothes: I gained BINS of maternity clothes this week, and there were a couple pairs of "skinny" maternity pants, and they are fabulous.  Comfortable, no belly band needed.  Shirts still fit (unless they are tight in the chest normally, in which case, not so much.

Stretch marks: way too early for those!

Sleep: As often as possible!!!

Movement: way too early for that!

Cravings/Aversions: Cravings: Nothing really new this week, in fact, it's hard to find things that I DO like. Aversions: Stinky odors, red meat...

Gender: at this point, we have decided not to find out...let's see if we hold steadfast to that!

Symptoms: The usual, nausea, gas, sore BBs, and my new favorite, round ligament pain.  Oh, yeah, totally feeling that, apparently early.

What I miss: Not a thing :)

What I look forward to: Passing the first trimester :), and actually LOOKING pregnant, as opposed to just like I've put on weight.

Moods: Just overly emotional. 

Milestones: This week it wasn't just Hubby hearing the heartbeat.  I heard it nice and strong :)

Medical Concerns: Thyroid meds are doing their job...measured at 1.66 this week.  Go meds.  Started on Zofran after a trip to the ER...more on that below.
Weekly Wisdom: Keep food on hand at ALL TIMES. I get nausea worse when I am hungry. This is difficult when I'm on the phones allllll day, but I'm learning how to do it. Give up and just take the nap.

Best moment this week: Got a Sno.ogle, and am now starting to sleep a bit better.  Kinda.  The baby is now a FETUS!!!!  That's kinda a big thing!

Worst moment this week: Yesterday I was at work when the nausea hit, taking phone calls.  Nothing ever comes up, so I just dry heave, but yesterday it was CONSTANT.  After an hour and a half of hitting mute so I could heave, I finally got to go on break.  I started shaking uncontrollably and nearly passed out in the caf.  Had my friends given me food as requested, I think I would have been fine, but noooo....the ambulance and trip to the ER it was.  As usual, my blood pressure is way on the low side, which I'm sure doesn't help.  After they put in a liter of fluids I felt mildly better, but only if I stayed horizontal.  Labs came back fine, but that was after fluids, so good chance I dehydrated.  I took off today to take it easy.  They said I'm supposed to get in 3L of fluids a day.  I can barely manage 2 on a day off, much less at work where bathroom breaks are hard to ocme by.  Sigh.  I don't know how it got out of hand yesterday, I snacked, I was drinking liquid, I just got really bad.  And then I kinda freaked out because it scared the shit out of me.  Luckily it means the baby is doing well.  LOL.  Trip to the ER was NOT what I wanted to start my week :(

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Too Many Thoughts

Okay, have a computer, can get some of this out.  It's going to be a long post, and I'm sorry.

The OB went well, although my head was spinning.  She went through everything soooo quickly.  It was mainly an informational visit, paperwork we have to fill out (ummm, no, we haven't decided if we will circumcise, and no, we don't have a name to put on the birth certificate since we aren't finding out gender).  Are we doing sequential screening?  NT scan?  AAAAHHHHH!  I'm so overwhelmed.  

We got the bills for the rest of what insurance didn't cover.  We're still looking at over $4k.  I have NO idea how we're paying that.  We've been working on paying down debt, and the medical bills are on the back burner.  I've started thinking about all we need for the baby, and I need to go out to WI next month to clean out my storage unit (the plane ticket will balance out the storage unit cost in about 4-6 months), but lots of eeks.  I think there is a lot of reality sinking in.  And my anxiety is starting to flare up badly.  I wanted to clean today and ended up on the couch doing NOTHING because I'm hitting major overwhelmed.  The nurse said that I could probably go back on the Zo.loft once I see the doc in 2 weeks though, which is something I am REALLY looking forward to.

We have friends who may move in who can actually pay rent, but we have to get out Bro and Dreamer first, but that's a MESS.  Frog is in the hospital.  He went in on Friday with swollen lymph nodes and very high fever, and was admitted.  2 days ago he apparently had surgery after they found something in his lungs, and all we know is that he is still "not good."  And the thing is, I don't know what to do or how to feel.  All of that went to total crap, and we are so completely not on terms, but I cared very deeply for him and Pixie, and his brother lives with us (though has been gone helping with him being in the hospital), and they have a new baby at home.  It's gotta be horrible for them right now.  I can't do anything.  I feel like an ass...I said horrid things.  Some of which was deserved, a lot out of anger.  And now this. I am out in left field feeling like I should be there.  Getting news occasionally from Bro.  So we don't know what their plans are, and certainly don't feel like we can give an ultimatum right now, you know?  Do we send a card?  What???  What happens if he doesn't get better?  I don't know what the hell to do.  It's not reparable.  I know that.  Go me.  Go crazy  me. 

And then there is the family...jeez, really?  Sister is apparently still royally pissed at me, which is fine.  I've accepted that we will never be close at this point.  And I'm not putting my niece through that, even if she did allow me near, which she won't.  She finally let Dad visit at home, but it didn't go well, apparently.  Honestly, my dad is VERY difficult to deal with...he threatened my husband last year, and he gets angry about EVERYTHING.  And Sister is being an over-protective new mom, insisting my dad wore a shirt they bought him that was new, etc.  Which drove him nuts, and they barely let him hold her.  It's just ALL drama ALL the time.  And he calls me to bitch.  Which is almost the only reason he calls me.  And all I could say was that it's her life, her baby, and he needs to respect it and try to talk with her about it calmly.  And that she is who she is, and he is who he is, and that's never going to change, so he can talk it out, learn to deal, or walk away.  Really, that's all there is to do.  So now he's pissed at me.  What can I do?  She and I don't even speak now. 

And you know WHY I lost it with Frog?  Because I was off my meds and severely hormonal from starting treatment.  And why I finally stopped being able to deal with Sister?  Because she complained to me about her pregnancy symptoms after I told her about my diagnosis, and because off of this has made me less able to deal with crap.  So IF rears it's ugly head again.  I should be HAPPY and EXCITED right now.  And it STILL feels like the world is crashing down.  And I feel like I don't get to feel that way with all we have been blessed with.  Like I'm supposed to be all happy and glowy all the time.

But despite being thrilled about our baby coming, it doesn't make all the other stuff go away, and it doesn't change the past, and it doesn't ease some of the burdens.  It feels like we spent 2 years doing nothing but trying to get pregnant, and now it's here I am at a loss as to what is next.  I really didn't think it would happen, and I think I'm having some new mother freak-out. 

I really can't wait to get the go-ahead to start the Zo.loft again.  At least with any luck it will help me cope better.  God, I sound like such a whiny, ungrateful person.  I'm not!  I'm just...me.  With the issues I have.  That don't go away, and that sometimes I just don't handle very well.   I'm really not depressed all the time, I promise, but it's hard to overcome it sometimes.  Thank you for listening, really.  I'm sorry.

Slacker

I have lots to write, but no computer atm, so i promise updates, maybe tonight. I have a lot on my mind...

OB stuff
family crap
hard news

My mind is spinning and there is so much to be done.

I do want to say briefly that one of the things I really enjoy about our little world here is seeing other bloggers I know on leaving comments on other sites...the interconnectivity...it's beautiful.
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Monday, September 13, 2010

We Put 'Em In, We Don't Take 'Em Out

April 1, 2010: We had our consult for IVF. When the nurse was explaining the whole process, she said that at 8 weeks you "graduate" to a normal OB. I must have expressed some surprise, because she said, "We put 'em in, we don't take 'em out." I nearly peed my pants, it cracked me up so much.

I wrote it down, and since that moment have been dying to be able to use it. So, today, kiddos, we graduated. We still have to do a progesterone check Wednesday morning, but for all intents and purposes, we have been released to the OB. (Though, since I was sick and didn't get the request in early enough, our records won't be there yet...ooops).

We'll see how it feels tomorrow to be in with the Fertiles.

Anyway, last u/s with the clinic was this morning. Heartbeat up to a whopping 177 bpm, and measuring a day AHEAD this week, at 8w3d. I will not torture you with another blobby u/s. In fact, I'm waiting until there is one with distinguishable features. But they gave us a little card and stuff. Awww. *Sniff sniff*

On another note, the day we had our consult, we also had a counseling session with a wonderful lady regarding using donor, umm, products. She mentioned that day that she's known women who years after struggling with IF still get a little twinge of jealousy upon hearing news of an easy pregnancy. Yesterday, I found out 2 of my work friends are each expecting their 2nd unplanned pregnancies. Sigh. We don't even know if we'll get to round out our family, and they miss a couple days of BCP and bam! Baby time. I didn't say anything, barely even to hubby. Be cause it makes me feel like an ingrate, which I'm not. Those feelings aren't going to go away easily, especially since we wanted more than one child. Trust me, we know we're blessed. Just still...lucky fertiles.

Anyway! Good day! We graduate! So nervous for the real OB. Nurse orientation type appointment is tomorrow, so I'll let you know how it goes! I'm off to finally catch up with some of your blogs. I've been a big slacker.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Calling Technical Care: Etiquette

Okay, I need to get some things out of my system.  Maybe someone will hear and my life will get easier.  Probably not, but oh, well.  Here goes.

I work in Technical Support.  For cell phones.  Here are some tips for calling if you actually want your issue resolved:

  1. If your phone is not working properly, don't call from it.  We can't fix it.  Please consider getting a cheap home phone, because cell service cannot be 100% guaranteed.  And if you are on the phone, WE CAN'T FIX IT.  There is no magic button. 
  2. If you say your phone number so quickly that you wouldn't be able to write it down, neither can we.  So speak clearly.  If we ask you to slow down, do not treat us like we are stupid...I promise you, that will only lead to us being snarky with you in our own way.
  3. THERE IS NO MAGIC BUTTON!
  4. We cannot actually SEE what you are doing on the phone.  So if you can't follow instructions, we can't help you.  I'm sorry.
  5. Please don't talk to everyone in the background instead of us.  You called us to help.  If you ignore us, we can't help, nor can we tell when you are actually speaking to us. 
  6. THERE IS NO MAGIC BUTTON!
  7. We don't know your passwords.  Because they are passwords YOU set up for YOUR security.  Anyone else knowing the password defeats the purpose.  Write them down.  Don't be mad at us because you lost/forgot it.
  8. If your service was out for 3 hours, you are NOT getting a free month of service.  Keep dreaming.  We will prorate that...and you won't like the number.  Oh, and if you waited 2 weeks to call us and we didn't know there was an issue, we most likely won't credit you for the past unknown issues either.  Call when it starts.
  9. THERE IS NO MAGIC BUTTON!
  10. When we ask a yes or no question, we really are just looking for a yes or no.  There was a reason for the closed-ended question.
  11. We are trained to do this job.  If you do not wish for us to help you, please don't call. Otherwise, let us do our job and walk you through the steps that need to be taken.
  12. Last, but certainly not least, don't be rude.  It makes us less inclined to help.  We will, but we won't make it easy.  Just because we are in the Service Industry does not make us less intelligent or deserving of being bashed.  Golden Rule, people.  I'm just sayin'. 

I could write more, but then it starts getting a bit case-specific. You get the idea. I need a new job. Sigh.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

8w0d

Before I get into the weekly stats, I want to share something.

Today is September 11.  9 years ago I was in a tiny Namibian village cursing our satellite TV, because I saw everything on CSpan.  Repeatedly.  It was one of the worst days of my life.  Terrifying to be that far away, with no way to even get home if I needed to.  Oh, what a week that was.  What a day.  And what a journey to today...

One year ago today, Hubby and I made our first trip to the RE for a consult.  Which, because I was on CD4 actually led to b/w, u/s, etc.  It was incredibly overwhelming, and we left with our head's spinning, and hope brimming.  At that point we didn't have any sort of a diagnosis.  Nada.  1 week later the world came crashing down with DH's NOA diagnosis, followed by 6 months of insane doctor's visits, more bad news, and a pretty severe mental breakdown.  And yet, 1 year later after that appointment, against a lot of odds, we sit here 8 weeks pregnant.  I can't believe the year that has led us here. 

WEEKLY UPDATE


How far along: 8 weeks 0 days

Total weight gain/loss: Have not managed to get a better scale yet, so the best I can give you is that on Monday I had not gained any more weight.  Holding steady (as of then) at 120, about 7 lbs over pre-treatment weight.

Maternity clothes: Actually, busted out a pair of pants today...more comfy than a belly band.  Still a bit big on me, but I simply don't care.  Comfort is winning.  Still fine in regular shirts, though I have a pooch.

Stretch marks: way too early for those!

Sleep: As often as possible!!! Being sick this week did NOT help with the exhaustion.

Movement: way too early for that!

Cravings/Aversions: Cravings: Nothing really new this week. Aversions: Stinky odors, red meat...

Gender: at this point, we have decided not to find out...let's see if we hold steadfast to that!

Symptoms: I have some nausea and dizziness...but that could be the nasty-ass cold, too.  No way to know for sure, unless directly attached to say, an odor. 

What I miss: Just caffeine - only because it is soooo hard to get moving in the morning. Otherwise, fine :)

What I look forward to: Passing the first trimester :)

Moods: Again, hard to differentiate my overall moodiness from being related to hormones or being sick.  Did cry a lot at cheesy mom/baby moments.  And being annoyed at incorrect TTC dialogue in De.ath At A Fun.eral.  I ranted about that for a while.

Milestones: This week it wasn't just Hubby hearing the heartbeat.  I heard it nice and strong :)

Medical Concerns: Still working on the thyroid - Syn.throid 50 mcg daily.  When speaking with the OB scheduler it sounded like they may be referring me to an endocrinologist.  Sigh.

Weekly Wisdom: Keep food on hand at ALL TIMES. I get nausea worse when I am hungry. This is difficult when I'm on the phones allllll day, but I'm learning how to do it. Give up and just take the nap.

Best moment this week: The Heartbeat remains magical. 

Worst moment this week: This cold is TERRIBLE and I hate it.  Wah.

Friday, September 10, 2010

I'm Still Here

Hi all.  I'm still here.  Just was sick all week, and just....I've been feeling...odd.  I don't know.  It feels like such a weird place to be in.  Pregnant infertile.  It still doesn't feel real.  Stuff with Sister still hitting me hard, the teenagers still living here, just...I'm emotionally weird right now.  Plus sick.  So, I got caught up on you all today, and I'm not going to try and sort out the brain right now. 

However, it's time to jump into some Photo stuff!  I got an Honorable Mention in The Punk Rock Mom's first photo contest.  So here's my button for that :)




 

Now it's time for the 2nd challenge :)  This week's theme is ALL THE SMALL THINGS.  Go here for the details!





Up to 3 entries are allowed, so here goes :)
A small moment of my life...at the spreading of my grandparent's ashes. 
I just love this fly photo.  I couldn't believe it held still for this!  The colors, the detail!  LOVE IT!

This is a close up of the inner workings of a tulip :)  Flower parts are fascinating!

So, there you have it.  I promise to get back to regular postings and to try and stop having breakdowns...I miss my happy meds.  LOL.  Maybe the OB will clear me to go back on them soon.

Have a good weekend!

 
 

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

PGD Frostie Report

We got the results of the PGD study on our 5 remaining embies. Of the 5 frosties, 2 are abnormal, missing a chromosome. So...we have 3 embies after all that. 2 are female, 1 male. I am pretty sure that isn't even enough to donate. I think our clinic looks for groupings of 4.

Of the 5 frosties, 4 are female, 1 male...what do you want to bet I have a little girl growing in Helga right now?

So final stats on our cycle:
26 eggs
24 mature
20 embies
7 total blasts
5 frosties down to...
3 viable frosties
2 transferred embies
1 pregnancy with singleton. Was the other embie abnormal, I wonder?

Has anyone else had numbers like these? Or done PGD and seen high numbers of abnormalities? What is "normal" for all of this?
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Sick As A Dog

Blah, have a nasty cold. I am miserable. Whine whine whine.

Good news is that Itsybitsy is doing well. Measuring right where she should, heartbeat at 140 bpm, and yesterday I actually heard it. Which made me smile and be all weepy...of course, that could actually be in part due to my insanely clogged sinuses.

Ugh, back to being catatonic.
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Monday, September 6, 2010

Happy Anniversary To Me!!!!

Today marks 2 years since I married my dear Hubby.  I love that man!  I've posted a pic here and there from the wedding, so I thought I would tell you about the MUSIC from our wedding (you know how I love it!).  So I have 4 songs for you today to take me down memory lane to a beautiful September day 2 years ago :)



We walked down the "aisle" to Book Of Love as covered by Peter Gabriel .  Hubby found it, and it is just magically beautiful, with a side of funny.  It's also really long, and his mom's back yard simply isn't that big.  We were up front for a while until the song finished, but whatever.  Our wedding :) 



The ring bearer (Hubby's niece - with a change of niece at the last moment, tee hee) walked to this, "All I Want Is You" from Juno.  She took a shortcut, so the song seemed very long again.  But it was fine, because we had some serious issues getting the rings off the pillow!  LOL. 



At the end of the ceremony, Mom, Sister, and LilSis sange "In My Life" by the Beatles.  LilSis did the arrangement, and played the guitar.  Acoustic, 3 part harmony...gorgeous :)  It took a while to figure out this song...I knew we wanted something at the end, and we just couldn't figure the damn thing out!  Then one day it popped up on a CD, and I knew that was it.



Ever see "50 Fi.rst Dates"?  Or the episode from ER where Dr. Green dies?  Yeah, that's this song.  "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" by Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwo╩╗ole.  I adore this song, but it didn't ever show on lists for anything and I just really needed it.  When Hubby and I first started dating, he sat down and found it for me, downloaded it, and played it for me as a surprise.  It's our song.  So this was our dance, the one that is just us. It is one of those songs that can just make me smile and go all misty instantaneously. 

So I hope that you enjoyed my little trip down memory lane.  I will leave you with a few photos (I changed my mind)...


Sunday, September 5, 2010

Award!

Yay!!! Award Time!!  Got this one from thepunkrockmom so BIG THANKS TO HER!!!  The usual rules apply:  7 NEW things about yourself, and nominate those you feel are worthy.  (I'M NOT WORTHY!!! -- sorry, Wayne's World moment).                           
Ugh, having an argument with this post, so I apologize for the weird layout of this post.  7 things...ack, I can do it!

  1. I have been known to eat an entire pound or more of peel 'n' eat shrimp in one sitting.  Yumminess.  Without coctail sauce or anything.  I just REALLLLLLLY like shrimp :)

  2. I don't play video games.  At all.  I mean, I really don't.  Didn't have them growing up, never really learned how except for Su.per Mari.o Broth.ers a long ass time ago, the original, and it was on someone else's system.  Game controllers are beyond me.  I'd rather read.

  3. The reason I'm a jack-of-all-trades, master of none is that I have zero attention span.  I simply get bored to easily and have to give things up for a while and then go back to them.

  4. I got a black eye from a garden hoe once.  You know, like in the cartoons where you step on the wrong end and it flies up and hits you in the eye?  Yeah, I did that.  During a drag show.  But I did get to spend a week explaining to people that I stepped on a hoe and got a black eye.  They didn't think I meant the garden variety.

  5. Speaking of random injuries, I am also the only person I know ever injured by a ping pong table.  Really.

  6. I once held the distinction of being the only 5th grader in the country to successfully score a 100% on some Mathletes type test for PEN class (the gifted program).  Or maybe the state.  It was a wide area.  Important to note that not only did I not manage to repeat that performance, I wasn't even the best overall after that.   Pressure = me giving up giving a damn.  Even at age 10.

  7. Rather than kill any kind of insect (except perhaps mosquitos and roaches) I will escort them off the premises.  ESPECIALLY spiders.  They are very important creatures.  Well, and they aren't insects, they are arachnids, but you knew what I meant.
Blogs with substance that I nominate (and this is no easy task!):
Ugh, there were more I wanted to do, but my brain is dead, and I can't remember who!!!  I even went through the list, and I'm drawing a blank.  So, that's it for this one right now, I guess! 

Oh!  And it is Hubby's birthday today :)  Love that man.  Wish we weren't both working and that I could see him today.  I will be full of loves and kisses for him tonight when I finally get to see him :)

Saturday, September 4, 2010

7w0d

WEEKLY UPDATE


How far along: 7 weeks 0 days

Total weight gain/loss: I give up on this - my scale at home is WAY off, because I measured 115 on that, but 120 at the doctor.  Need a better scale.  Pants are about the same, so I don't seem to have gained anything or really expanded.

Maternity clothes: Still sticking with either the belly band or stretchy pants/skirts.

Stretch marks: way too early for those!

Sleep: As often as possible!!! These 10 hour days are kicking my ass.  I am EXHAUSTED.  And it's only my Tuesday.  Oh, boy.

Movement: way to early for that!

Cravings/Aversions: Cravings: Nothing really new this week  Aversions: Stinky odors, red meat...

Gender: at this point, we have decided not to find out...let's see if we hold steadfast to that!

Symptoms: Actually, light on symptoms this week except for the extreme exhaustion and being fairly emotional. 

What I miss: Just caffeine - only because it is soooo hard to get moving in the morning.  Otherwise, fine :)

What I look forward to: Passing the first trimester :)

Moods: Wicked emotional this week.  Crying, cranky, overall moodiness.  Sorry lovey.

Milestones: Hearing and seeing the heartbeat :)

Medical Concerns: elevated thyroid levels - taking Syn.throid 50 mcg daily - I tested at 2.74 2 weeks ago, and am up to 3.31 this week, so my meds got doubled.  Test again next week.

Weekly Wisdom: Keep food on hand at ALL TIMES. I get nausea worse when I am hungry. This is difficult when I'm on the phones allllll day, but I'm learning how to do it. Give up and just take the nap.

Best moment this week: Seeing and hearing the heartbeat - MAGICAL!

Worst moment this week: Nada with relation to Itsybitsy :)

Friday, September 3, 2010

There Is Something Wrong With Me

Why do I always go to my mom's to see the sisters thinking it will be fun?  Because it almost never is. 

I have felt like an outcast in my family for a VERY long time, a very long time.  I have always had social interaction issues.  I either hide and say nothing and stick my nose in a book, or I say the wrong things...always the wrong things.  And it seems to be worse with my family, and I know EXACTLY when it got really bad. 

When I left the Peace Corps 9 years ago, my family not only didn't support me, they told me they were EMBARASSED by my "giving up."  Anyway, that's when it got bad. We've had up and down times since them.  Sister and I have never been terribly close, which is, I suppose, what I get for moving out of state the first opportunity I got.  I just had to get away from them all.  From the dysfunction and the drama.  LilSis always resented me for it as she was left there when it got really bad.  Sister, well, she and I are just polar opposites. 

Anyway, when the 3 of us try to hang out it's always me and them.  I don't belong in their little club.  And I don't know how to start.  Add hormones (2 pregnant women), and extreme heat, and bad things happen.  All we do is snip at each other.  And I couldn't take the heat, and the shock of the cold water was too much for me.  So I ended up inside...which just pissed them off as we were supposed to be hanging out.  Ugh. 

I think we do best as "holiday sisters".  You know, where we see each other only on the holidays.  There is a reason I lived a long way away for years.  It just wasn't pretty, and it certainly wasn't relaxing.  And I tried to talk to Sister about the impending baby (born yesterday, btw), and I said I thought baby was ready to come out and she said nope as though I know nothing.  Like I haven't seen others go through it and spent years reading about it.  So I was wrong...ummm, but I wasn't, as she came THE NEXT DAY.  Just annoying.  And frustrating.  And I am so over it.  Just snip snip snip...what's the point if we don't actually get along?

But why am I so detached?  I've realized that while I do have a number of very good friends, none of them are really that close to my physically.  I have attachment issues.  I'm realizing this.  Because I just can't handle it.  I'm built wrong, somehow.  Niece is here, and I probably won't see her until the holidays because quite honestly, I can't take the interactions. So I'm not as excited as I should be.  Just glad to be back in my own bubble. 

Why do I shut down?  What makes me so awkward?  And WHY cannot I not just deal with my family.  LisSis told me a long time ago that I do it to myself, set myself apart.  But it's because I feel like I just don't fit.  And then I make it worse.  I don't know what to do.  I know that I've been REALLY down, which I imagine is partly hormones, and partly due to my normal depressive tendencies and being unmedicated right now.  Perhaps I need to consider therapy...again.  Because it really isn't normal that I'd rather be elsewhere and not really have my family that big a part of my life. 

Hubby is the outcast of his family as well, and has incredibly difficult times fitting in with his brothers. We are fine with the parents most of the time, both side, just not siblings.  Sigh.  What is wrong with me?  Why am I so detached?  WHAT IS MY PROBLEM???  Why can I put EVERYTHING out there for you guys to read?  And follow YOUR stories.  What is wrong with me?

UPDATE: She has banned half the family from visiting her in the hospital.  I get wanting bonding time, but ummm, then wouldn't we all be not welcome?  Not so much.  Just the half she doesn't get along with.  So, yeah, I'm done.